Chronicles of the Traffic Offender - Part I
I like love my Maruti Zen. Although its a '94 model (which makes it an antique of sorts) and sometimes gives a mileage of 3 kmpl, I still love that car. Infact I love it so much that I've even named it - Serenity (Sera for short) and I often talk to it. If that therapy can work on plants why not on cars?!
Anyway, that car has been in some pretty awkward scenarios, all thanks to the Bombay traffic police. Infact I can clearly remember the first time I was pulled up by a cop. It was a couple of years ago on returning from Bandra at about 2 at night. There was a left turn for the highway which I missed and I decided to take the next left which was only a couple of metres away. Ofcourse it was only when I had taken it that I realised that there was a no-left-turn sign nearby and what was worse was that I was now facing 2 cops who were peacefully sitting on some garden chairs in the middle of the road (I am not kidding here!) waiting for idiots like me.
Since this was my first encouter with the men in white, I was shit scared, obviously. I had seen my friends on bikes being pulled up for traffic violations and witnessed how they used to get away by paying 50 bucks under the table. But those were bikes and this was a car; meaning I would have to shell out big bucks to escape the dreaded challan. To top off my misery, I had exactly 10 bucks in my wallet!!!
The first thing the thullas (cops) did was take away my driving license. The next thing they did was try to intimidate me by telling me how heinous a crime I had commited by making that illegal-left-turn (which would have been perfectly legal had there been no cops sitting in the middle of the road!!!). Needless to say, they were doing a pretty good job; at this point of time I was picturising my car being dragged away and me having to spend the night under some nearby flyover. Next came the ransom amount - 1000 bucks!!! At this point of time I added tattered, patched up clothes to my under-the-flyover picture of suffering.
Fotunately there were some 4 other people in the car at that point of time. Unfortunately, the total amount of money added up to 45 rupees, 50 paise!! But then something magical happened - one of those 4 passengers happened to be a Bombay-ite who taught me one of the tricks of the trade - The Dirty Handshake, which I will explain here for the benefit of the readers of my blog.
The Dirty Handshake
Ingredients : Your right fist (or left - if you are left-handed), around 50 bucks in notes and a dirty thulla (cop)
Method :
Step 1 : Crumple the money and hold it tightly in your right (or left) hand.
Step 2 : Approach the cop face-to-face but stop at half-an-arm's distance.
Step 3 : Raise your hand so as to offer the cop a handshake.
Step 4 : When the cop responds (and he definitely will), slide the money in his palm, while passing an innocent smile.
And miracles of all miracles; it worked!! As I drove back, I could not but help (almost) kissing that Bombay-ite for he had taught me the one trick to rule them all (the thullas). Needless to say, The Dirty Handshake has yet to fail me after innumerous successful attempts.
So the next time, any of you are caught up in such a situation, remember The Dirty Handshake and drop off a thanks at the comments section of this post.
Anyway, that car has been in some pretty awkward scenarios, all thanks to the Bombay traffic police. Infact I can clearly remember the first time I was pulled up by a cop. It was a couple of years ago on returning from Bandra at about 2 at night. There was a left turn for the highway which I missed and I decided to take the next left which was only a couple of metres away. Ofcourse it was only when I had taken it that I realised that there was a no-left-turn sign nearby and what was worse was that I was now facing 2 cops who were peacefully sitting on some garden chairs in the middle of the road (I am not kidding here!) waiting for idiots like me.
Since this was my first encouter with the men in white, I was shit scared, obviously. I had seen my friends on bikes being pulled up for traffic violations and witnessed how they used to get away by paying 50 bucks under the table. But those were bikes and this was a car; meaning I would have to shell out big bucks to escape the dreaded challan. To top off my misery, I had exactly 10 bucks in my wallet!!!
The first thing the thullas (cops) did was take away my driving license. The next thing they did was try to intimidate me by telling me how heinous a crime I had commited by making that illegal-left-turn (which would have been perfectly legal had there been no cops sitting in the middle of the road!!!). Needless to say, they were doing a pretty good job; at this point of time I was picturising my car being dragged away and me having to spend the night under some nearby flyover. Next came the ransom amount - 1000 bucks!!! At this point of time I added tattered, patched up clothes to my under-the-flyover picture of suffering.
Fotunately there were some 4 other people in the car at that point of time. Unfortunately, the total amount of money added up to 45 rupees, 50 paise!! But then something magical happened - one of those 4 passengers happened to be a Bombay-ite who taught me one of the tricks of the trade - The Dirty Handshake, which I will explain here for the benefit of the readers of my blog.
The Dirty Handshake
Ingredients : Your right fist (or left - if you are left-handed), around 50 bucks in notes and a dirty thulla (cop)
Method :
Step 1 : Crumple the money and hold it tightly in your right (or left) hand.
Step 2 : Approach the cop face-to-face but stop at half-an-arm's distance.
Step 3 : Raise your hand so as to offer the cop a handshake.
Step 4 : When the cop responds (and he definitely will), slide the money in his palm, while passing an innocent smile.
And miracles of all miracles; it worked!! As I drove back, I could not but help (almost) kissing that Bombay-ite for he had taught me the one trick to rule them all (the thullas). Needless to say, The Dirty Handshake has yet to fail me after innumerous successful attempts.
So the next time, any of you are caught up in such a situation, remember The Dirty Handshake and drop off a thanks at the comments section of this post.
This entry was posted on Monday, March 27, 2006 at 11:50 AM.
Monday, March 27, 2006 3:50:00 PM Posted byanonymous khush hua !!
Monday, March 27, 2006 5:00:00 PM Posted by
Thanks !
Monday, March 27, 2006 5:33:00 PM Posted by
I so used to a Namaste (i always fold my own hands) with a smile(the length of smile can differ)...
Thank GOD i don't drive, nor will i ever now.Thankyou....
I like that name SERA!
Monday, March 27, 2006 10:08:00 PM Posted by
i drive around the family-reject-car, maruti 800, '97 model. it was priorly used to transport our pets, buy vegetables, to go to railway station and other places where one need not worry about scratches and dents that appear mysteriously when the car sits innocently in the parking lot. now, it's mine.
i had named it 'greenie'when i was kid and my mental growth was as stunted as my imagination. i talk to greenie even now so i guess nothing much has changed over the yrs.
though greenie n i have not yet gotten into any trouble with any 'police-wale uncle', i shall store ur info on the dirty handshake for future reference. thanx!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 12:56:00 AM Posted by
One more trick? Learn a bit of Marathi. It *really* helps! That coupled with the handshake is enough to get out of any traffic situation!
Another bluff, which especially works for small offences, is saying that your dad is a higher officer! That scares them like hell too :D This is my preffered tactic.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 12:46:00 PM Posted by
Bah! Smoke and mirrors! No magic at all.
I would have used a powerful memory charm to make the thulla forget about the infraction, and then a fate magnet to force him to stand on his head for one day.
Then I'd put up curtains around him and charge admission! That's real magic.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 8:27:00 PM Posted by
@ashu: so the anonymous does not remain the anonymous anymore....muahahahahaha
@pk: welcome :)
@passerby: arre drive...its fun :)
@mizfit: no trouble with police waala uncle?? u sure u live in india?????
@sd: that marathi trick has worked quite a number of times right in front of my eyes...except that it was spoken by someone else...since i know only a couple of words of marathi language which cannot be mentioned here :P
@karl: lol!! rotflol!!!
Sunday, April 02, 2006 4:16:00 PM Posted by
everything else can go to hell, and you probably still won't know how I envy you for your serenity as you call it.
they just don't make them that way anymore...
and yeah, instead of letting me inherit the old family faithful, my folks just sold it off.. (sob) (baawwwll) (huge tears) (sniff) I somehow have a personal connection with my cars, and she ruled my world.
anyway... eekvrgug to you too..
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